Why I’m thankful for Autism
A diagnosis changes your life, there is no doubt about that. Ours came when our twin boys Nathan and Alexander where just about to turn two. It wasn’t a surprise. You don’t go visiting developmental pediatricians unless you suspect that things have gone awry. But the shock and sadness is there just the same, along with fear and guilt and other emotions that hit you like a tidal wave.
But that’s not what I am writing about today. This is about being thankful. 18 months have passed since that diagnosis and our lives are full. Our house is full. On any given day our door opens at 8:30am and a small caravan of therapists tromp into our smallish row house and set up camp for a few hours or more. We gave up my studio space to create a therapy room that looks more like a preschool classroom. Easels, therapy balls, a trampoline, books, toys, charts, art supplies, and more. More than one room ought to fit… but it does. These people who make the daily stop in our home have become so much more than just therapists who sit with my kids and teach them many of the skills other children know innately. They are extended family. Our “village” as they have heard me refer to them. We exchange tips on the boys, talk about our lives, have a drink now and again, and all meet together once a month to go over progress – yes, all 13 of us! And at my house, food is always served. When a team member is sick I worry about them. When one is off having a baby, I’m one of the first calls from the hospital after the birth. I’m thankful for these people that have entered my life that I would otherwise never have met, for they have enriched my experience as a parent.
And through this group, my vision has changed. All parents marvel at the development of their kids. The first words, when they roll over and learn to crawl. But when you have a child with a major delay, you slow down. I see progress at a micro level. When Xander looks at me in the eye and smiles or Nathan finally gets that puzzle piece in, I am ecstatic. I take little in their development for granted. I’m thankful for this slow gaze at my children. We look for the tiny triumphs everyday. They are often so small, or so subtle, that many people would rightfully miss it. But my new eyes see details in the world I may have once overlooked. And I was, as a matter of point, am a rather detailed visual person to begin with.
I am an artist. The detail of the visual world is something I have always marveled in. But even those artist’s eyes have now extended. My personal work has investigated decoration and wearable art that uses lenses and mirrors to engage people in a visual dialog, the gaze from one person to the next, or one person to an object. Visual stimuli was paramount. My fascination now lies in why our brain is attracted to one thing or another. The sensory process that makes children first desire an object, that then perhaps shapes later choices – even as an adult. Color, texture, exploration of shape is now the focus of my work. I’ll spend my research time developing creative objects in varying textures and materials for children with sensory processing differences. Not for my children per say, all children. And while that making process occurs my own brain ponders the implications of my endeavors to my next body of art work. It will be new, a different path than the one I left a year or so ago. I’m thankful to have my artist self grown and stretched in ways I never anticipated.
So on a dreary Thanksgiving morning, while sweet potatoes cook on the stove, I give thanks to a diagnosis. Are there overwhelming days that feel like they’ll never end? Yes. Are there days I’m scared for my family’s future? Yes. But who doesn’t have that, really? Instead, today, I raise a glass of lemonade made from what looked like lemons so many months ago.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
