I feel compelled to write today being National Autism Awareness Day, leading off the full month of awareness. Snipits on the radio and articles in the paper, walks to raise funding and special days at the zoo. All these things whirl about in the public eye for the next 29 days. But I have to wonder what we want the world to be aware of exactly?
I had one of ‘those’ moments this week. When a small grain of sand is inserted into my gut where it gathers strength and keeps me up at night. Nathan and Xander have been at a new school since mid January. It’s a tough transition to be new in the middle of a school year to begin with, but for them it was a rougher start. Days of tears and tantrums as they try and figure out their new surroundings. Slooowly, they adapt. Most changes for them come slowly, hence the term ‘delay’ when people describe Autism. But on Monday I dropped them off and they went into school, both their therapists in hand, with little drama. The director of the program was in the lobby and I stopped to chat.
“I’m getting better reports”, I say “I think we might be turning a corner.” She shrugged a bit and looked at me, “Well, I haven’t heard them lately.” She said with tone that left me uneasy. And then, I said it….. “I’m sorry they are so hard.” I cringed nearly the moment those words exited my lips.
The gain of sand had been planted.
What was I sorry about exactly? That my children are different? That they have Autism? That others might have to accommodate them? After days of fretting , I could finally put a name on that grain of sand- it was called tolerance. I don’t want my children to be tolerated. Awareness is simply not enough. We need to teach acceptance. Acceptance for who they are in all that they bring. Given the briefest of moments you cannot help but see the joy in their eyes. I’ve met so many, many people who have opened their hearts to us, people that have changed our lives. Yet, there are still many that just cannot comprehend what a comment like this one, or a look across a room, can do a parent. I don’t wish that feeling on anyone. To those people I say open your eyes, see these children for who they really are and your heart will follow.
I will never again apologize for my kids. Sure, if you invite us over and we break something… but that’s different. But to cower in the face of their differences – no way. And oh, yes – I am looking for a new school.
